I met my 20 year old younger self for coffee yesterday.
We were both 15 min early, because early is on time and on time is late, especially for people we cared about.
We ordered a hot cup of matcha latte each.
She asks whether we really graduated with a double degree and whether we ever made it to first class honours. I told her we don’t, but we graduate with a strong portfolio that did manage to help us secure a job at a place I know she would love.
She asked whether the guy we met in Uni was the one for her. I smiled and told her that he would not, but he would teach her so much about what we are looking for.
She asks when our Mr Right will appear. I told her that I did not know either. I told her that I’m still searching, wondering the same thing. She looks slightly disappointed.
I bring her into a warm embrace and tell her that it’s okay. Not many guys will catch your eye and make your heart skip that beat, but you will fall harder and harder for each guy that does. I guess we won’t know whether he is the right one for sure, but we can and we will survive each fall.
She cries and wonder why this is so hard. I don’t have an answer for her, and my tears silently fall and the same pain courses through us.
She asks me what she should do.
I tell her to do what she thinks is right for her then. If she falls, she falls. She will never be alone in trying to pick herself up. The falls will teach her what she needs to learn to get to where she wants to be. I tell her to enjoy her time living on campus, because she really will miss it once it’s over. I tell her to gain as much experiences as she possibly can, doing the work she loves so damn much, because while it is not the most conventional, it does get her somewhere.
She asks me about what she should do with the other part of life.
I don’t have an answer for her. I tell her our strategy has always been to just focus on our work, and when the time is right, things will fall into place. It is the strategy that she started that I am still using. Sometimes people will catch our heart for a while, and we may lose ourselves for a while, but we always manage to come back to our own track.
She looks excited about living on campus. I hope I gave her enough glimpses into the future for her to know that all her sacrifices will not be in vain, and that I am so thankful that she did what she did then so I can do what I do now. I hope I gave her enough reassurance that things will work out.
I hope she can’t tell that even as I am here for her, I am still craving for my older self to come bring me out for coffee.
One Step At A Time 